Which category do you fall into? Those who write their list of good resolutions every year, or those who say « it’s no use, I won’t keep it » or rather those who think it’s good for others but not for them…Whatever your category, after reading this article you will see resolutions differently. And here’s why, in 3 points.
1- Living without « good resolutions » is possible … without « objectives » is impossible
What do you mean by ‘resolution’? For my part, I understand « resolution » as an injunction to « resolve to ». It sounds like we’re trying to force something through!
If it’s about things that really matter to you, about your well-being, is the word well chosen? Because it’s about change in these « resolutions ». To want to change is to want to improve your life, to feel better.
So why put yourself in a situation of obligation? Change requires that we feel the desire, the need. To do this, you have to be ready.
Then you can set goals, or any other word that makes sense to you, by asking yourself the questions « What do I want? What do I decide for myself?
2- No good « resolution » – or goal – without listening to oneself and self-diagnosis
We are not all equipped to do this, but the good news is that listening to ourselves can be learned, and our upbringing still forces us to stifle many feelings and emotions. Have you never heard « you’re a boy and a boy doesn’t cry »? Not to mention certain societal diktats that are still in circulation!
We are not all equipped for this, but the good news is that we can learn to listen to ourselves, and our education still forces us to suppress many feelings and emotions. Have you never heard « you’re a boy and a boy doesn’t cry »? Not to mention certain social diktats that are still in circulation!
How to make the right choices? How do we sort out what society, our private and professional environment seems to impose on us, and what we really want? Cut off from ourselves, in the end we don’t know ourselves. And without the « who am I », how can we decide « where am I going »?
So, to begin with, ask yourself what you like, what makes you feel good or better, what you like about yourself, which will enable you to assess whether everything in your life is going as you wish. The inconsistencies, sources of discomfort, dissatisfaction and frustration that you identify will be the starting point. By looking for what is good and right for you, you will determine your objectives.
So to begin with, ask yourself what you like, what makes you feel good or better, what you like about yourself, which will enable you to assess whether everything in your life is going as you wish. The inconsistencies, sources of discomfort, dissatisfaction and frustration that you identify will be the starting point. By looking for what is good and right for you, you will determine your objectives.
3- At the beginning of the year, why not? Everyone has their own pace for taking stock and making changes
Is there a good time to make decisions / resolutions? Of course not! On the other hand, it is up to each person to find the right rhythm to take stock (and therefore to listen to themselves, I insist!).
What do we risk if we don’t? A wave of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, a deterioration in one’s relationship with oneself and with others.
No, I’m not crying wolf, but let’s not neglect all these little things that accumulate and can finally plunge us into a situation that really doesn’t suit us.
In this respect, it is necessary to set up a recurrent listening and alert system. It has been observed that certain periods of the year or activities are conducive to personal listening: holidays in particular, but also breaks: sports, Christmas films, cooking, etc. These are moments that allow the brain to take a break. This makes it easier for « states of mind » or « revelations » to emerge, and for awareness to emerge that requires reflection. It is such a beautiful gift that you give yourself by allowing yourself to listen. It is up to you to give yourself opportunities. Allow yourself breaks. On your diaries!
For those of you who like how-to’s, here are some key steps to building your goals:
Step 1 – free your mind as much as possible from all the walls that limit you!
We are bombarded with injunctions, particularly from society: « excuses don’t burn calories », « to be happy you have to have a successful career », « you have to do well at school ». To be happy, you have to have a brilliant career », « You have to do well at school ». Behind some of these injunctions is common sense, but not only. The problem with these injunctions is that they are imposed on us as absolute truths, to be taken at face value without questioning « is this good/true for me?
There are also the limits we put on ourselves, not to mention those put on us by others (by projecting their own fears onto us, yes, yes …). « Stop dreaming » « This is a bit too much » « This is not for you » … Preconceived ideas, fears, you’ll know you’re on the right track when you challenge the ready-made answers your brain is giving you.
It will indeed mean that you feel that there is an adjustment to be made to feel better, happier, more you. And you will move on to the next step.
Step 2 – what do you REALLY want and need?
There you have it, you have challenged some automatic thoughts. Now it’s time to set up your own gauge, a filter that’s personalized and unique like you!
- What do I need to feel good (using the « what, who, where, how » to go around each reflection)?
- How am I when I feel good (emotion, attitude, behaviour)?
- What do I need/want most?
- What do I have to lose if I change?
- Am I willing to lose or reduce some things to get others?
- What impact will these changes have on me, on others? How do I deal with this?
Once you have asked these questions, you will make decisions about what you want to do and change. Trust yourself and dare to want what is best for you. Your decisions to change will be made where you see real benefits (greater than the disadvantages).
Once you have made these decisions, you will move on to step 3 with a happy, light and motivated heart.
Step 3 – imagine first globally and then as precisely as possible what you want!
The first two steps allow you to prepare the ground, to clean it up, to make room for your dreams. This third step is crucial. Because we dream ourselves before we are.
More known by sportsmen or artists, this step of mental preparation by visualization is so effective that it deserves to be democratized and to be integrated in our daily life.
Take this step as a daydream of what you want. Imagine the optimal way, as in an ideal world, in which you dream your goal will be realised. And let yourself embark on a mental simulation with its procession of places, people, colours and emotions.
If you want to succeed in a 10 km race, live it in your dreams in the most favourable scenario; the same goes for a project to travel with your family or to add a new string to your professional bow…
You can then write down what you have imagined. The more sensory details you develop (atmospheres, colours, sounds, emotions), the more your brain will integrate this version of events as truth, and help you to achieve it.
Step 4 – Talk about your goals around you, commit yourself, this will be the key to success!
This year, I have this project, this desire, this objective …. The people around you are resources and supports, make them your allies! Talking to them about your goals will help you to plan ahead and find concrete solutions.
You may also be surprised by the solutions or leads that those around you bring to you. You will feel committed, motivated and supported in your success.
Good resolutions to all!